Sunday Funnies
Not to be considered true
Fort Knox Gold Heist: The Starbase Connection
President Trump and the DOGE plan to audit Fort Knox
Is this a conflict of interest for Elon Musk?
In a shocking turn of events, the impenetrable Fort Knox has been breached, and a substantial amount of gold bullion has vanished without a trace. While authorities are baffled, whispers in the dark corners of the internet point to an unlikely culprit: Elon Musk and his Boring Company.
Conspiracy theorists propose that the Boring Company, under the guise of infrastructure projects, secretly constructed a hyperloop tunnel connecting Fort Knox to Starbase, Texas. This audacious feat, they claim, allowed for the clandestine removal of the gold, which is now allegedly funding Musk's Martian ambitions.
The Unthinkable Heist
The Fort Knox heist is a crime of unprecedented scale and audacity. The United States Bullion Depository, more commonly known as Fort Knox, is a fortress of unparalleled security, housing many of the nation's gold reserves. Its defenses are legendary, with layers of protection including armed guards, surveillance systems, and robust construction. The idea that such a stronghold could be breached without detection seems almost inconceivable.
The Boring Company's Ambitious Projects
The Boring Company, founded by Elon Musk, is known for its ambitious underground projects. The company's stated goal is to revolutionize transportation by creating a network of high-speed tunnels. While the company has made progress on several projects, its ultimate vision remains unrealized. However, the company's tunneling expertise and Musk's penchant for audacious projects have fueled speculation about its potential involvement in the Fort Knox heist.
The Starbase Connection
Starbase, Texas, is the site of SpaceX's launch and development facility. It is also envisioned by Musk as a future city, a hub for space exploration and innovation. The conspiracy theory suggests that the stolen gold is being used to fund the development of Starbase and Musk's Martian ambitions. The idea that the wealth of a nation could be secretly diverted to fund a private space program is a narrative that captures the imagination.
Skepticism and Speculation
While the idea of a secret tunnel connecting Fort Knox to Starbase and the theft of gold to fund a Martian colony is a compelling narrative, it is also met with skepticism. The security measures at Fort Knox are extensive, and the logistics of transporting a large amount of gold undetected would be challenging. Additionally, there is no concrete evidence to support the theory.
However, the lack of concrete leads and the Boring Company's tunneling capabilities have fueled speculation. The heist's mystery has also given rise to other theories, ranging from extraterrestrial intervention to government cover-ups.
The Investigation Unfolds
As the investigation into the Fort Knox heist continues, the world watches with bated breath. The truth behind the disappearance of the gold remains elusive, leaving room for wild theories and fueling the imagination of conspiracy enthusiasts worldwide. Whether the truth involves a rogue billionaire, extraterrestrial intervention, or something more mundane such as Willy Sutton) one thing is certain: the Fort Knox gold heist will go down in history as one of the most audacious and perplexing thefts of all time.
Details of the audit
The DODGE group of investigators stole the encryption codes and brought burglar tools to the hardened doors and walls of Fort Knox. President Trump already had deactivated the Army unit assigned to Fort Knox. The DOGGERS brought with them several bunker-buster howitzers and cutting tools
Howitzer Shell Breaching Walls of Concrete
Cutting Tools were delivered from Home Depot by Amazon Prime
The air was filled with mosquitos as the DOGE seal team entered a still-smoking remnant of the building. Once inside the team wearing their Hazmat suits and night vision goggles surveyed the empty entryway/ It was still with only echoes of their footsteps. Hand signals were given as they advanced through innumerable triple-locked doors, fingerprints, scanners, and facial recognition cameras. Finally and without resistance the DOGE group approaches the massive depleted uranium vault door. Surprisingly it was already opened. The Vault was empty!
The only sign of life was “BORING WAS HERE” and the DOGE logo.
President Trump and his newly appointed Cabinet members with Kash Patel sitting by his right side, Elon Musk on his right, and Little X on his left. X had his finger stuck in Musk's ear while looking at President Trump mouthing, “My dad owns you”.
As they watched from the situation room the expeditionary forces boarded several cybertrucks and drove into the tunnel not knowing where it would eventually lead them. (1,292 miles), taking them over 19 hours.
As they broke through they heard a deafening roar, a flash of light, and the earth shook as they witnessed a fleet of Starships launching. Each one with the DOGE logo and “MARS OR BUST”.
Further investigation revealed a trail of gold flakes on the ground leading to the now-empty launch towers.
Back at the situation room Elon Musk and Little X have suddenly dematerialized. Had they been beamed to Mars?
